So here's a break down of the aforementioned controversial Simpsons episode that the liberals are claiming is homophobic... But first, since the show actually starts with the election skit first, I'm going to open with that, just to prove to you that I thought it was awesome and can totally take a joke at my own expense. (Since I am, after all, one of the Republicans who "stole" the election in 2000 and 2004.)

Downtown Springfield... Obama signs cover the buildings on the left side of the street, the McCain signs cover the buildings on the right side. And there in the back is Grandpa Simpson picketing for Ike. We then cut to the Springfield Elementary School gymnasium, where a sign hangs above the door that declares: "OFFICIAL POLLING PLACE." Homer Simpson enters while one of the elementary aged bullies exits. Homer marches up to the registration table and greets the old men running the polls with a cheery: "Hello! I'd like to vote for President, Governor and anything that will take money away from our parks and libraries." One of the elderly folk answers with: "Eh! Use machine number three!" Homer approaches the booth, but is just a bit too fat to get inside, so he whines: "I can't fit in the booth!" The same man shouts at him to "use the double-wide!"

Homer then makes his way to huge polling booth with a handicapped icon above it. He closes the curtains and turns to the machine which presents a screen with two buttons, one for Barack Obama and one for John McCain. "Ooooh! One of those electronic voting dealies!" He happily presses the button for Obama, but the machine lights up for McCain and announces: "One vote for McCain. Thank you!" Homer laughs his trademark innocent laugh and says: "Nooo... I want to vote for Obama!" He pushes the button again and the machine says: "Two votes for McCain." Homer starts to panic. "Come on! It's time for a change!" He angrily presses the button again and smiles as he waits for the intended outcome, but is greeted with: "Three votes for McCain!" Homer hits the Obama button three times in rapid succession. "No, no, no!" The machine happily announces: "Six votes for President McCain!" Homer starts shaking the machine and shouts, "HEY! I only meant one of those votes for McCain!" He gasps and takes a step back. "THIS MACHINE IS RIGGED!"

The machine promptly opens up a secret compartment and tries to vacuum Homer inside... Into some conveniently placed saw blades. Homer futilely grabs the curtains as he's sucked inside. "Must... Tell... President McCain! This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not America!" And those are his final words for, alas, the machine slams the doors closed on him and then promptly devours him, only to spit him back out in a crumpled heap. The elderly man from before hobbles up to Homer's broken body and sticks an "I Voted" sticker to his forehead.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the election gag! I don't know about anyone else, but I laughed the whole time... I mean, that's pretty funny, if you think about it. So many things that stand out to me: Obama signs on the left (left-wing), McCain signs on the right (right-wing). The underaged (illegal) voter leaving the polling area... A bunch of old people running the polls. A quick nod to the helpless generation we're breeding when Homer cries he's too fat to fit inside... And then pretty much the whole voting machine thing, because that's not at all how votes would be stolen if it happened. (In the sense that they wouldn't actually announce that they stole your vote, not that the election machine wouldn't devour you, because that's impossible! Or is it... Dun dun dun!) Then that bit about Ohio? Classic!

And then there's the fabled homophobic part, which I won't go into as great of detail, but suffice it to say that the skit in question was a parody of a Peanuts cartoon that follows Milhouse (playing Linus) to the pumpkin patch as he waits for the "Grand Pumpkin" to arrive and give out candy. A bunch of the other kids show up to see what he's doing and he eagerly asks if anyone wants to sing pumpkin carols... Then Nelson, the resident "homophobe", I guess, steps up and says "I've got a pumpkin carol for you!" He clears his throat and launches into a song to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas:

You are such a stupid moron
It makes people want to punch you
The Grand Pumpkin's super gaaa-aaay
Punch-punch-punch-punch Wedgie!

And that is what the liberals are crying about... That's it. I mean, if you even bother to watch the entire episode, which is a collection of many skits, as all Treehouse of Horror episodes are, you see a lot of insinuations that people are gay... Including a few key historical figures I think they could have done without. One of those times where I think they went a little over the top. But my point is that they made fun of everyone equally. Stop whining so much... Sensitive liberals.

It was almost a bad idea to write an extra 2,000 words on Monday so I didn't have to write anything yesterday... Today was a little harder to squeeze out, but I managed to do it, and I've still maintained my goal of 2,000 words per day! But my difficulty in finishing today's allotment was hindered by more than just not having written anything yesterday... Yes, I have a confession, though I must firmly blame Peter Heck for this, too. He managed to play Obama National Anthem on the radio today and got the silly song stuck in my head all over again. To be fair, he warned that if Obama won the election, that song would be all over the place, but it got stuck in my head, I started singing it aloud and I repeated it over and over and I lost my train of thought for my story and got stuck... Thank you, Peter Heck, for inadvertantly trying to crush my attempt at NaNoWriMo!

I know for sure that if I ever get depressed with Obama's latest America-killing law, I'll just fire up that clip and watch it over and over again. It's so completely true, but it's so completely funny! I have no idea how something as serious as that can be so absolutely hilarious... Leave it to Glenn Beck to pull something off like that. Apparently, lots of people are feeling the same way, because that post is quickly becoming my most popular! I'm impressed... I hope Glenn doesn't mind my stealing traffic over it. I offer an MP3 and lyrics, too, so I'm sure they're looking for those, too. Oh well... If it we weren't laughing about it, we'd all be sobbing, so I think it's a good thing to be circulating for those of us who are in for a long four years.

But even still, I can't help but notice I'm being so entirely carefree about this whole thing... It could be the end of the American life as we know it, but I'm in a mood far greater than I've been in weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still vastly disappointed in the friends of mine who voted for Obama and all that, but I can't help but think of this song: (Plus, I mean, Peter Heck drove this home when he played some funky vocal version of "I'm On My Way To Heaven" and repeatedly demanded that we smile. Man, I love that guy.)

This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue

The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world any more

No, that's not "I'm On My Way To Heaven", but it does share the same thought.

First up, this article I saw on IMDB today... Apparently, the latest Simpsons episode? (Which I have not yet seen.) You know, the one the mainstream media made a huge deal about because Homer was voting for Obama? And the voting machine kept changing his vote to McCain and then it devoured him? Yeah, that one! Well, after getting so much praise and "haha" from the mainstream media, it turns out that Nelson (the resident bully character, if you're not classy enough to watch Simpsons) spouts off the horrific and hurtful phrase: "That's so gay." Oh my! Call the FCC! Call the Supreme Court! Call the ACLU! A Simpsons cartoon character has made a homophobic remark!

"Are you serious?" You ask. "Absolutely," I reply.

I call Simpsons an "equal opportunity parody show". It makes fun of, quite literally, everyone. Democrats, Republicans, homosexuals, Christians, hindus, illegal immigrants... The list goes on and on. Some things I find a little over the top, but, for the most part, it really doesn't bother me a whole lot when Simpsons makes fun of Republicans and voting machines tipped in their favor because I've seen plenty of jokes at the Democrat's expense, too. I take jokes about Christians in stride because I see jokes about other religions, too. So when I see something like that, I can't help but tell everyone to stop being so sensitive. My gosh. Homosexuals are probably the single most offended minority on the planet... (Although blacks are very close behind with their whole "a sale on black furred pets is racist" remark.)

It's a constant thing with liberal minds... The perfect example of their double-standard mentality. They claim a Republican majority in Congress is bad for the country because it doesn't provide for fair debate of the issues, but when it's a Democrat majority in Congress, the country has been done a great service. When Christians and Republicans are made fun of, it's lauded as being some of the best humor around... But when homosexuals are made fun of, suddenly, the sky is falling and we need anti-discrimination laws passed so nobody can do that anymore. It's crazy!

Which leads me into the best thing I've seen post-election... A quote from the awesome Ann Coulter:

For now, we have a new president-elect. In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, we owe it to the Democrats to show their president the exact same kind of respect and loyalty that they have shown our recent Republican president.

Ain't that the truth? I mean, I know she's the kind of person to say this kind of stuff to make people mad, and I think that's awesome, but, to be honest, I'm not going to do that. She's just making a point. I, however, am going to try to treat the position of President of the United States with all due respect. I may think the guy is the single poorest choice for this country and that Joe the Plumber would have been a vastly more successful pick, but he is the President of the United States now. I'm not even going to wonder if there were any illegal votes, seeing as how McCain clearly thought Obama had legitimately won and set an example by graciously conceding on the same night and not weeks later, demanding recount after recount in a vain attempt to further antagonize his supporters and deface his opponent. I will most likely not agree with anything that man passes and I still vehemently believe that he will plunge this country into a time not seen since the Great Depression, but I will not give in to "Obama Derangement Syndrome" and loathe the guy. If the guy passes something I agree with, I'll praise him... If he doesn't, I'll scream about it, but I'm not going to hate him just for the sake of hating him.

We crazy Christian conservative Republicans are better than that. The liberals in this country and in the rest of the world may have no scrap of dignity... They may have prepared posts for a McCain win that is made up of nothing but a derogatory explitive pasted 500 times over... They may blame President Bush for hurricanes and oil prices and our "declining image abroad" due to the "useless war that wastes American lives" and they may call him the worst President in American history (even though they are terribly wrong), but I won't succumb to that kind of thinking just because we Christian conservatives now have someone who is poised to rewrite the Constitution and tax religious institutes into oblivion and destroy this economy and all our livelihoods for a blatantly socialist agenda. The liberals may be whinybutts, but I'm not!

I also, by the way, did not go and riot, nor did I ever threaten to if we lost, just for the record.

I just want to reiterate for anyone out there who didn't get it... Conservatism didn't lose. Not in the least bit. The Republicans lost, but not conservatives. Why? Well, Republicans aren't conservative right now! Sarah Palin was the one good thing about Republicans this cycle, but she alone wasn't enough to shed the dead weight of "moderate" bi-partisan Republicans who enjoy reaching across the aisle and forsaking everything the party is supposed to stand for. If you take a look at all the runners and ballot initiatives... Conservatism didn't lose.

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels won by a huge margin and he's the definition of conservative. The marriage bans were approved and the global warming initiatives failed, which is what conservatives have been trying to pass for years. Almost everywhere you look, if there was a clean cut choice between liberal and conservative, conservative won with flying colors... The Republicans lost the election because they weren't solid conservatives, either. With the sole exception of Sarah Palin. The media goes overboard on trying to peg McCain's failure on her presence, but that's a flat out lie... Period. McCain was a nobody to Democrats AND Republicans until suddenly: BAM! Sarah Palin shows up. That made the media crazy upset and it revitalized the Republicans behind her. Not behind McCain... Behind HER. I've seen t-shirts and I totally agree: "I'm voting for Sarah Palin and that guy she's running with." Wherever she went, she rivaled and frequently surpassed the crowds that Obama drew, and she was only the Vice President.

No, folks... The Republicans lost and the Democrats won, but conservatism is still very much alive as we can see for ourselves in all the votes that went to true conservative candidates and initiatives. The question remains: Will the Republican party be able to fix itself by 2012? Will another party rise up instead? All the moderate Republicans who made an effort to reach across the aisle to gain more votes? The ones who said the only chance we have of winning is to become more centrist? They're all gone... All voted out in favor of Democrats. Nobody wants a wishy-washy middle man... They want one or the other. Centrism is seriously overrated. (Also, the media keeps claiming that the liberal Democrat administration is going to be centrist. Oh, please, are you kidding me? Wow... They media is going insane. More than usual. It's also amazing how much this election "wasn't about race", but now that Obama's been elected? All about race. Yeah. Good job keeping the stories straight.)

Just when you thought I was gone and rioting, guess what? I WASN'T! Hah! I mean, sure, Obama is quite possibly the worst man to become President of the United States for a variety of reasons I've already discussed at length... And, sure, I still think that he will ruin the economy with his tax policies and destroy our military morale and superiority with his foreign policies. Sure, I was rooting for McCain (but only honestly because of Sarah Palin) and, sure, I was in a bad mood last night... But I couldn't wait to listen to my buddies Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Peter Heck to see what they thought of last night. Like they all said, they woke up today and everything was bright and cheerful... Why? Because now we have hope. But our hope isn't Obama... It's BECAUSE of Obama!

The feeling was pretty much unanimous between them all, and let me tell you that such a thing is rare, indeed. Usually, while they obviously share the same conservative ideas, they each have a different perspective on things... Glenn is usually pessimistic. (Sorry, but he is.) Rush is usually "LET'S GET THIS DONE!" And Peter is the eternal optimist, but today, they all shared the same perspective, which I have now also come to accept: "Whew! What a relief!" No, seriously. Because, see... Everyone knew McCain was a horrible, horrible choice to represent the Republican party. We were voting for him simply because he wasn't as bad as Obama. He was still bad and we were all perfectly willing to vote for a third party until he picked Sarah Palin as an ambassador to the conservatives. It worked marginally well, but there were still obviously enough people out there who didn't think he was all he was cracked up to be. And let me tell you that I feel the same way... I feel bad for Sarah, because she was out there charging everyone up and people were CRAZY about her. But it was that guy she was running with that kept tossing water on the fire. Personally, I look forward to a time where Sarah might run her own campaign and blow everyone's socks off.

So I'm sure a lot of you liberals are wondering why in the heck I'm suddenly relieved that Obama managed to take the Presidency? Well... One thing, really. He's crazy insane liberal. He's everything the Democrat party has ever wanted and they got him where they wanted. They maintained the majority in Congress and they're dead set on doing whatever they want without those dastardly Republicans in their way. (Although just you wait, since the Congress can still be filibustered by the Republicans, the Democrats will still somehow manage to blame them for everything that happens.) But why am I relieved about that? Remember a post I wrote a bit ago that said the only good thing that could come from Obama winning is the fact that all us conservatives could point and say "we told you so"? That's pretty much why I'm relieved. See, McCain shares some pretty crazy non-conservative ideas that simply won't work... Obama does, too. The thing is, if we voted for McCain, and he enacts some crazy thing like buying all the bad mortgages and the economy goes into the toilet and our taxes go up to cover it? The liberals will be able to point to us conservatives and say "this is your guy" and they'll be blaming Republicans and conservatism for what is clearly not a conservative idea... But when Obama and the liberal Congress does something like that after pushing so hard for nationalized financial sectors and redistribution of wealth, and everyone suddenly realizes that this wasn't the dream they were promised, they won't have anyone to blame but themselves. See, in the long run, McCain was going to be bad for Republicans, but in the short run, he was going to be better for the country than Obama.

I'm relieved because conservatives think long term... We're looking toward the next election cycles and we're seeing a cycle where everything has gone haywire thanks to the insanely liberal politics promised by the upcoming administration and Democrats and Republicans and Independents are going to get a rude awakening as to what liberalism actually does to countries and, let me tell you, it ain't going to be pretty. Everyone's going to expect a golden age of prosperity when they're going to be plunged into the dark depths of shared poverty, instead, with the threat of a terrorist attack when the troops are pulled out and our enemies are given a chance to regroup... While this happens, conservatives will be working hard to rebuild the Republican party in another Reagan era of goodness, and when the country lives through the hardships caused by empty liberal promises, when they've lived through the era of Jimmy Carter all over again, they'll be wanting a completely new breath of fresh air and we're going to be there to give it to them!

Plus, I might add, I find this whole Obama election incredibly humorous! Why? Well, the Democrats surely think the people have spoken up, eh? Right? "The people want change! They voted for hope!" Blah, blah, yadda-yadda. So it's a bittersweet day for conservatives across the country because now we have a chance to rebuild the Republican party, but it's an equally bittersweet day for liberals across the country because of something that happened in California and Arizona and Florida... Something the courts have tried for years to overrule the people on and declare unconstitutional, so the people decided to amend their state constitutions so that couldn't be done anymore. Can you guess?

GAY MARRIAGE WAS BANNED IN CALIFORNIA, ARIZONA AND FLORIDA!

(Although the article I link to only talks about California, the AP map at C-SPAN.org also says the two other states passed similar amendments.) Oh, you bet... California, easily the single most liberal state in the entire country, voted against allowing same-sex marriage. Something the state court decided to ignore and approve on their own several months ago. Now, of course, this can be overridden on the national level, but that would seriously undermine a lot of what the liberals are trying to do. Face it, nobody on the national level has ever wanted to do anything about abortion or same-sex marriage because they think it's political suicide. I think they all realize that the majority of people still have some ounce of morals and really don't like the idea of gay couples so they just do whatever they can to suppress votes on the matter and use the courts to twist things around.

Although, how much do you want to bet that the supreme court will try to rule the constitutional amendment as unconstitutional? Haha... Would be fun to see how that turns out. Would be the perfect example of what the conservatives have been saying about the courts ignoring the proper chain of command: VOTERS RULE OVER ALL. I applaud California... I didn't expect that. Also according to the AP map, countless global warming initiatives have been dealt a massive blow. People didn't want them! So yes, over all, it's been the definition of "bittersweet" all around... Of course, I don't see the Obama administration honoring any of these ballot initiatives in the future, but that'll be one of many nails in the liberal coffin during the next 4 years. Yes, indeed...

Two things that you won't hear today... The big day! Election Day! One is the fact that Democrats, not Republicans, are using intimidation tactics to scare people... Nobody really knows why or what their intentions are, but they were there and the police had to be called in to break them up. But they were Black Panthers and obviously supporting Obama, so you won't hear that. Of course, the only network that bothered to cover this was the "conservative" FOX News (that people were laughing at for "supporting" Obama). Someone even called CNN to ask why they didn't cover it. But if you don't want to watch it, fine, but this is verifiable... If you want to ignore it, well, fine. You're just part of the problem!

The next article you will not hear about is the fact that Sarah Palin was exonerated in that fabled "Troopergate" that all the major networks blew out of proportion and got legal action involved. Turns out that she did absolutely nothing wrong, but... You know, nobody's going to cover that, either, even though they're the ones who started the entire fiasco! That was their last scrap of smear against Palin's character and it also turned out to be a complete and total lie. You know all the reporters knew it was pointless because they didn't cover it day in and day out... And now that it's over, well. No need to release the findings, right? Yeah.

So these are some things you won't hear today. One makes Democrats look bad... One makes Republicans look good. Like... The two things the MSM won't ever report on. They'll just keep reporting over and over and over again how much Obama's grandmother impacted his life in some attempt to use her death as a political platform. Ugh... Way to honor her memory. I totally understand what it feels like and I give my sympathies to Obama because I've lost my own grandmother, but when I see the mainstream media pushing these stories at every turn (and Obama letting them), it gets a little annoying. You KNOW they're trying to raise a sympathy vote.

Anyway... There ya' go. Two things you won't hear today. But, hey! It doesn't matter does it? Everyone already voted early because NOTHING could have changed between then and now, eh? Yeah. That argument worked out really well!

So I read a post (by a liberal) that pretty much going on a huge spill about how evil Republicans are for telling people to vote on November 5th instead of November 4th and how this is why Obama's been pushing for early voting so nobody gets stuck with all the Republicans undermining the election process as if they're the ones trying to ruin the country?

Okay, yeah... read a few CNN ticker tape articles and think you have the whole picture of the election and jump to the foolish conclusion that the Republicans are running all over the place, screwing up the elections for everyone, assuming that the only reason we'll win is if we take advantage of the fabled Bradley Effect. (Talk about buying the Democrat slander pieces hook, line and sinker.) But, you know, feel free to completely ignore the whole ACORN voter fraud thing that's happening in ALL the key states out there in an active attempt to steal the election in a far more insidious way. Of course, THAT doesn't get on your precious CNN ticker tapes because, well... CNN is probably ranked 2nd as the most biased media source, right under NBC. You think they're going to talk about something illegal the Democrats are doing? Hah!

It's funny to read the bit about how everyone should be able to vote unhindered and yadda yadda yadda... Yeah, whatever. If you really thought that, you would be more upset about the fake voters in the system, thanks to ACORN (which Obama is affiliated with), than a few Republicans that are trying to tell people to vote on November 5th. I guess technically, ACORN really isn't "hindering" votes, really, more like drowning out the real people with thousands of fake people who all somehow manage to vote for Obama. I'm not trying to defend the Republicans in the least bit, but I think it's incredibly hilarious that someone who's so dedicated to "fair and open elections" and prides themselves on the fact that they "encouraged even McCain supporters to vote" is flipping their lid over a Republican robot caller and completely ignores ACORN and the consistent cheating that's happening in their own party. Amazing.

I mean, come on... I've been talking about Democrat election insanity since Obama got the nomination. All you have to do is browse the Politics category to see everything that's been going on, and they're all complete with sources, so you don't have to take my word for it. It's utterly amazing how people who can't be bothered with politics at any other time are suddenly the resident experts on Election Day and are convinced of things that really aren't so. I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I HAVE been religiously involved in politics since January, so that definately gives me a little more knowledge than someone who woke up, saw Obama wasn't quite in as much of a lead as they thought, and went into Daily Kos-esque damage control mode, looking for all kinds of things to rip Republicans over. So yeah, I'll probably stop reading Myst Blogs after today. A few more sites got syndicated that I really don't want to sift through, so I'll just add the ones I want to see to my feed reader and ignore it from now on. I mean, it's not even really filled with useful information... A bunch of people crying about how Uru's died (yeah, they're still doing that) and when they try to get serious about something like politics, it turns out to be more like something you'd hear from Chris Matthews instead. It's sometimes humorous to see how much of a zombie follower everyone's become, but... Yeah. Not anymore. If I want to see a bunch of liberals suck up to their party, I'll go read CNN for myself.

For the record, I probably won't read this... Not because I don't want to, but because I just woke up and I don't/can't talk this early. I may later on today, because it could be funny listening to me talk about a crazy liberal, just not yet, at least!