I love Glenn Beck. There’s no other way to put it. His observations are spot on, his humor is flawless, and anyone hated that much by our liberal friends is just generally well accepted in my book. Well, in case you haven’t heard, he recently released a book called Arguing with Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government. But the book itself isn’t what I want to talk about, although I would recommend getting it. Why? Duh. It’s Glenn Beck.

Anyway, apparently, the book has its very own theme song:

So short, so sweet. So catchy, and the visuals are the definition of perfection.

So like I did with Obama National Anthem, I decided to make it into an MP3!

Glenn Beck – Arguing with Idiots Theme Song (20 seconds, 1MB MP3)

[mp3]http://www.rivenwolf.net/weblog/media/Arguing with Idiots Theme Song.mp3[/mp3]

Arguing with idiots (idiots!)
Smart debate with dimwits (dimwits!)
Truth for those who care to look,
and another way to sell our book!

Only this time, I decided to go a step further: RINGTONES! They’re exactly the same, except I cut out a bit of the extra fade-in and fade-out, because they aren’t going to show up on a phone very well. In fact, you may decide to listen to that one instead, but I would call the 20 second one the unofficial “official” audio, since that’s in the video.

This is a regular MP3 for normal phones:
Glenn Beck – Arguing with Idiots Theme Song Ringtone (15 seconds, 1MB MP3)

This is a special M4R for the iPhone and it’s stupid ringtone format:
Glenn Beck – Arguing with Idiots Theme Song Ringtone (15 seconds, 1MB M4R)

Enjoy! I know I will.

This just in, everyone: The President, Lord Messiah Barack Hussein Obama, peace be upon him(1), has declared that we have a national emergency on our hands! Grab your guns, because the Russians Chinese enemies are invading! Head to the bomb shelters, because the nukes are incoming! Board up your houses, because the next Katrina is on its way!

Oh. Hold on a second… Okay, this just in: The national emergency is because of H1N1? Oh man, it must really be serious, right? It’s the next Black Plague! Entire cities are succumbing to the microbes ravaging the planet! The end is nigh! The government was right! It’s truly a pandemic of epic proportions!

Oh. Hold on a second… Okay, this just in: According to the article that we ourselves just linked to, the CDC is still saying there’s only been 1,000 deaths? Well… A thousand is still an awful lot! It really is serious, isn’t it? And the poor children! 100 kids have fallen to this deadly disease.

Oh. Hold on a second… Okay, this just in: We have nothing specific just yet, but reports say that Americans who are simply being fat are causing over 100,000 deaths in a year. And what’s this? Alcohol causes 85,000 deaths? 175,000 children drown each year?

In light of these numbers, I ask you, dear readers, where are the declarations of national emergency on the dangers of eating at McDonalds? Or chugging your favorite beer at the local bar? Or the dangers of children near water?

Oh. Hold on a second… Okay, this just in: I’ve just been informed that these numbers are from Wikipedia. Wait. One moment please. I need to discuss something with my fact checking crew.

(Why is this an issue? Isn’t there a source for this? There is. People who buy into sensationalism like this are the kind of people who think Wikipedia is accurate without checking sources already! They shouldn’t have any trouble believing this if they believe so much of the other stuff on that thing! Alright, fine. I understand. Don’t let it happen again!)

Okay, we’re back. I apologize for the delay, and I’m sorry to tell you readers that our establishment doesn’t treat Wikipedia as an accurate source and there was a slight misunderstanding with our latest intern, who has been unceremoniously and immediately… Taken care of. As a result, my new fact checker has pointed me to a few more notable sites:

• We have a report from 2006 by our very own CDC that lists the top 15 causes of death in the United States.
• Since H1N1 has been declared a pandemic, we only thought it prudent to include WHO statistics on leading causes of death around the world in 2004.
• For all you proponents of legal marijuana, we are including an independent, but well-sourced chart from DrugWarFacts.org that also lists annual causes of death in the United States.
• And while we’re at it, if you wish to conduct your own research into the leading causes of death, you may wish to use the Google query for leading causes of death!

So in the light of the things that are actually causing high death rates in this country and in light of just how incredibly insignificant the H1N1 numbers are in comparison with the leading causes of death, I again ask you,dear readers, why has The President, Lord Messiah Barack Hussein Obama, peace be upon him, decided to declare a state of national emergency because of this clearly insignificant threat?

To be honest, we’ve given up trying to understand his decisions.

(1)Due to The President, Lord Messiah Barack Hussein Obama’s recent reception of the Nobel Peace Prize, we here are Rivenwolf.net will gladly honor the event by appending the phrase “peace be upon him” whenever we speak to him directly or when we mention him in our reports.

Owned.

Obama promised us change… I can’t call that a lie. He and his ilk have stirred this country more than anyone could have hoped for. It’s amazing how Washington still hasn’t grasped the power of the Internet and modern circulation of information. Fox News may be the last bastion of hope for the mainstream media, but with the hundreds of thousands of people with the time on their hands to track these things and spread them around their personal sites and blogs, we can cut through bureaucratic crap faster than ever. The best thing? Liberals just ignore it. That’s awesome. It really is! While they’re busy ignoring everything and ripping the Constitution to shreds, the voters are waking up and wanting some accountability.

I might suggest you check out some of these blogs. You’ll find that most of them don’t just spout opinions. They actually have sources and facts behind them, if you’re open-minded enough to stop by and actually engage the topics being discussed. Go on! You might just learn something beyond the scope of sitting in your house, feeling sorry for yourself, and wanting everyone to pay for your hospital visits.

This health care thing really makes me laugh. For many reasons. Obama keeps telling lies. Conservatives keep tallying them up and refuting them with logical explanations. Liberals keep dodging the issues and appealing to everyone’s emotions. The more the liberals blab off about what ObamaCare really is, the more ignorant they sound. Have they even bothered to read the bill? Oh well. Nobody in Congress seems to have, either. But ya’know? There’s one thing that really stands out to me…

Are people really so selfishly arrogant to assume that they’re entitled to have everyone else pay for their health care? You can’t afford health insurance? Really, I’m sorry. I can’t, either, but, then again, I choose not to, anyway. Can’t afford doctors without insurance? Really, I’m sorry. I can’t, either, but, then again, I don’t trust them for most things, anyway.

But seriously? Keep your greedy, envious hands off my money. It’s my money and I worked for it, and if I don’t want to spend money on health insurance, then I shouldn’t have to, and just because you can’t pay for the insurance you want or need doesn’t mean you have any right at all to come along and demand that the government tax everyone and everything so that you can get it cheap. You have no right.

None.

At all.

Period.

End of story.

So stay away from my money, you selfish little brats.

Language warning if you link to the article to see for yourself, but suffice it to say that David Axelrod, the man known as Obama’s puppeteer speechwriter, has decided to take it upon himself to declare the Tea Party movement as “misdirected” because, after all, Obama has given 95% of the country a tax cut! I mean, honestly! How could anyone be so misled as to think that protesting tax cuts is a good thing? After all, isn’t that what Republicans want at all costs?

First, the mistake that the liberals make is that the Tea Parties are a strictly Republican idea. They’re wrong. I’m a Republican. Actually, scratch that. I was a Republican. I am not a Republican as of right now. I don’t stand for the ideas of Democrats and I don’t stand for the ideas of the Republicans. I’ve never been a party member, but I have thought (up until this election) that the Republicans are the best vehicle for Conservatism. That is no longer the case. I am a Conservative. I am not a Republican. The Tea Parties, I would say, are anti-government, not anti-Democrat. We don’t like what’s happening, period. We don’t want Democrats and we don’t want Republicans. Period. We’re ticked off at the federal government as a whole. Period. There’s no partisanship here. This is not a bad thing considering that the federal government has burst through the confines of the United States Constitution on just about every level. We want our Constitution back. The government fired the CEO of a private company? Really? That should terrify you! If it doesn’t, you are WHACKED. The government is supposed to guarantee private property, not interfere in ANY way.

Second, is Axelrod really so stupid as to assume that we’re stupid enough to not realize what they’re doing? A trillion dollar bail out that nobody wanted that is doing absolutely nothing to help our economy, coupled with tax cuts? Is Axelrod the only one who doesn’t see the disaster that such huge deficit spending is going to cause? Oh, no worries! We’ll just print a ton of money that we really don’t have the assets to back up and it’ll all be okay! Except for the ghastly high inflation we’re going to have in about a year, right? Yeah. Except for that.

See, we don’t mind the tax cuts. We would prefer tax cuts across the board. The key is “95%”. The upper 5% are getting crushed by taxes. (Darn those capitalist pigs, right?) We want tax cuts for EVERYONE and we want government spending to STOP so that we actually have a surplus? You know… That thing that has to happen so we make money so we can actually pay off the debts we have already? The government may have cut taxes for the majority of people. (Personally, I don’t see those cuts anywhere.) But it won’t matter! In a year or two, we’ll have inflation that will take the place of the tax cuts. We have to pay for high spending somewhere, people. That’s a fact. You have to pay for it in high taxes, high interest rates, or high inflation. You will ALWAYS pay for it. Some ways are natural (high taxes and interest rates) and some aren’t natural (high inflation). If you have inflation, that won’t actually ever take care of the problem.

Anyway, before I get carried away with another economics lesson (it may be too late), I’m gonna stop and just say: Axel-face, my man. We appreciate the tax cuts. Really, we do. You’re right when you say it’s what we “Reaganites” have always wanted. But, see, we’re not stupid. We realize that tax cuts without everything else that should accompany tax cuts is not a tax cut in the long run. In the long run, the federal government is DESTROYING the country’s economy. All the government cares about is fixing things today, but we citizens are smart enough to look toward the horizon and see what’s going to happen tomorrow. The government has stepped far out of the Constitutional boundaries with huge power grabs like with Government General Motors. We all know what it’s trying and we’ve had it. You and your ilk have been pulling this crap since Carter and we’re DONE.

And you know what else? It ain’t personal. See, the Republicans are just the same way. They betrayed everything they stood for by reaching across the aisle to the liberals who have nothing but themselves in mind. The Republican party is equally as stupid to realize that this bipartisan plan is not going to work. It cost us a vital election. We would have had the election on a silver platter if McCain was as solid a conservative as Palin. So now, with the government swelling to engulf our entire lives and with the economy falling apart around us, we blame Republicans. We blame Democrats. We blame everyone in the government right now and we want you ALL to get out! We want the small federal government of old!

Thankfully, the Constitution guarantees us the right to criticize you. So call off your Homeland Security peons.

Thank you, and good night.

Oh, I’m sorry. This time it’s called “Economic Stimulus”. (For the record, since I know it’s going to come up, I didn’t approve of Bush’s stimulus package, either. While he was amazing as the War on Terror, his economic policies were seriously lacking.)

Because 1 trillion dollars (that’s $1,000,000,000,000) at the start of it all didn’t work, the Immaculate Administration of Hope and Change decided that we needed another 1 trillion dollars (that’s $1,000,000,000,000) to help prop up an economy that NEEDS TO RECEDE AND DEFLATE like it always has and always will. Where does this money come from, I ask you? We obviously can’t afford it. Our national debt has already peaked 10 trillion (that’s $10,000,000,000,000) under the Bush Administration and everyone was upset at the poor policies of the Republicans. I mean, I agreed… Cutting taxes without cutting spending? It’s like, DUH! Got to get the money from somewhere if it’s not coming from taxes, and that makes the deficit go up!

But yeah, let’s completely forget that, because it’s the Democrats who’re doing it this time, and they said they’d clear out the “Culture of Corruption” and run a transparent administration of hope and change. Yeah! What this economy really needs is more money dumped into it, because there really is no such thing as inflation. Nah. Print more money than we have… Borrow more money than we have… It’ll make it all better! Prices will remain the same and everyone can help relieve some of the pressure! What a load of bull honkey… Even the poll on the CNN article (at the moment with over 37,000 votes) has 69% of the people saying it won’t make any difference. (When a liberal site has comments and votes against liberal action, you know it’s wrong.) But since when has the Democrat-controlled Congress ever listened to what we, The People (aka: The Majority), want? Nobody wanted the first bail out, nobody wanted this bail out. The first one obviously didn’t work, so what’s the answer? Let’s do it again, voters be darned! Why? “Because it’s good for us.” Please. A population properly educated on an issue will more than likely make the best decision on it. They already know how this economic crisis came about. (Keep reading.)

On the bright side, with the sweep of the Democrats during the last election, a lot of RINOs (Republicans In Name Only) were flushed out and actually switched parties so they could be on the “winning team”. What does that do? Why, it leaves Republicans in a cripple state, doesn’t it? I mean, that’s what the mainstream media keeps saying. What actually happened is that “The Great Republican Flush” cleared out mostly everyone except true Conservatives. When you see a Republican right now, you can most likely say they’re a Conservative. And you know what the House Republicans did, bless their hearts?

THEY DIDN’T VOTE FOR IT. Not a single one. Period. This is a completely Democrat idea and it passed the House with nothing but Democrat votes. Finally, the liberals have a back bone. When (not if… WHEN) this thing fails, you know who’s going to be carrying the bag? Oh, you know it! The Democrats and their Lord Messiah Barack Obama. Mark my words. It WILL fail. You can tell the Democrats think it’ll fail, too, because they kept pressuring the Republicans to vote. If a bill is going to succeed, why try forcing the other party to help you when you can pass it anyway and take all the credit? If it’s going to fail, you know they’re going to want someone to share the blame with. I mean, even if it’s completely insane, they need to keep up their promises that the government can fix everything, don’t they! But the Republicans FINALLY said “no way! We ain’t helping you do anything!”

Any economist worth their weight in salt can see failure coming from a hundred miles away. Failure of capitalism, my butt. The Democrats can keep blowing their hot air all over the place, but at least The People still realize the true cause of this financial mess was Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and the CLINTON ADMINISTRATION GOVERNMENT REGULATION that required firms to provide loans to people who could never pay them back. When the Republicans tried to get something done about it before it all imploded, good ol’ Barney Frank kept saying nothing could happen. The man is a freak, and he and the others responsible for this mess are in charge of cleaning it up. Yeah, that sure is a recipe for success.

The only way to get this economy back on its feet is to let those who made poor business decisions get flushed down the toilet. Nobody’s saying it’s going to be easy, but it’s better to get this thing over with now before we flush trillions down the toilet with them. Seriously… 819 billion dollar stimulus? Seriously? My gosh. People will remember stuff like this next election. So in the best interest of the country, STOP DOING CRAP LIKE THIS. But, at the same time, in the best interest of the Republican Party in 2010, KEEP DOING CRAP LIKE THIS. It will make the Conservative sweep to power that much easier! For those of us who are crying at this stupidity of the administration’s push for this bill, remember:

It took a Jimmy Carter to get a Ronald Reagan!

How’s that for a post title? I mean, speaking honestly, I’m glad to see that attacks against terrorists are continuing, but I thought I’d adopt a liberal headline for the first drone launch into Pakistan since Obama has had the power to stop it. I mean, he’s already found the time to start closing Guantanamo Bay and scale back the Central Intelligence Agency, but he overlooked a missile launch, eh?

Won’t that make them angry at us? I thought Obama was supposed to restore the faith people had in us before Bush took office? He’s not going to do that by murdering Pakistanis without a trial. I thought we were supposed to stop this war on terror.