So here's a break down of the aforementioned controversial Simpsons episode that the liberals are claiming is homophobic... But first, since the show actually starts with the election skit first, I'm going to open with that, just to prove to you that I thought it was awesome and can totally take a joke at my own expense. (Since I am, after all, one of the Republicans who "stole" the election in 2000 and 2004.)

Downtown Springfield... Obama signs cover the buildings on the left side of the street, the McCain signs cover the buildings on the right side. And there in the back is Grandpa Simpson picketing for Ike. We then cut to the Springfield Elementary School gymnasium, where a sign hangs above the door that declares: "OFFICIAL POLLING PLACE." Homer Simpson enters while one of the elementary aged bullies exits. Homer marches up to the registration table and greets the old men running the polls with a cheery: "Hello! I'd like to vote for President, Governor and anything that will take money away from our parks and libraries." One of the elderly folk answers with: "Eh! Use machine number three!" Homer approaches the booth, but is just a bit too fat to get inside, so he whines: "I can't fit in the booth!" The same man shouts at him to "use the double-wide!"

Homer then makes his way to huge polling booth with a handicapped icon above it. He closes the curtains and turns to the machine which presents a screen with two buttons, one for Barack Obama and one for John McCain. "Ooooh! One of those electronic voting dealies!" He happily presses the button for Obama, but the machine lights up for McCain and announces: "One vote for McCain. Thank you!" Homer laughs his trademark innocent laugh and says: "Nooo... I want to vote for Obama!" He pushes the button again and the machine says: "Two votes for McCain." Homer starts to panic. "Come on! It's time for a change!" He angrily presses the button again and smiles as he waits for the intended outcome, but is greeted with: "Three votes for McCain!" Homer hits the Obama button three times in rapid succession. "No, no, no!" The machine happily announces: "Six votes for President McCain!" Homer starts shaking the machine and shouts, "HEY! I only meant one of those votes for McCain!" He gasps and takes a step back. "THIS MACHINE IS RIGGED!"

The machine promptly opens up a secret compartment and tries to vacuum Homer inside... Into some conveniently placed saw blades. Homer futilely grabs the curtains as he's sucked inside. "Must... Tell... President McCain! This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not America!" And those are his final words for, alas, the machine slams the doors closed on him and then promptly devours him, only to spit him back out in a crumpled heap. The elderly man from before hobbles up to Homer's broken body and sticks an "I Voted" sticker to his forehead.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the election gag! I don't know about anyone else, but I laughed the whole time... I mean, that's pretty funny, if you think about it. So many things that stand out to me: Obama signs on the left (left-wing), McCain signs on the right (right-wing). The underaged (illegal) voter leaving the polling area... A bunch of old people running the polls. A quick nod to the helpless generation we're breeding when Homer cries he's too fat to fit inside... And then pretty much the whole voting machine thing, because that's not at all how votes would be stolen if it happened. (In the sense that they wouldn't actually announce that they stole your vote, not that the election machine wouldn't devour you, because that's impossible! Or is it... Dun dun dun!) Then that bit about Ohio? Classic!

And then there's the fabled homophobic part, which I won't go into as great of detail, but suffice it to say that the skit in question was a parody of a Peanuts cartoon that follows Milhouse (playing Linus) to the pumpkin patch as he waits for the "Grand Pumpkin" to arrive and give out candy. A bunch of the other kids show up to see what he's doing and he eagerly asks if anyone wants to sing pumpkin carols... Then Nelson, the resident "homophobe", I guess, steps up and says "I've got a pumpkin carol for you!" He clears his throat and launches into a song to the tune of We Wish You A Merry Christmas:

You are such a stupid moron
It makes people want to punch you
The Grand Pumpkin's super gaaa-aaay
Punch-punch-punch-punch Wedgie!

And that is what the liberals are crying about... That's it. I mean, if you even bother to watch the entire episode, which is a collection of many skits, as all Treehouse of Horror episodes are, you see a lot of insinuations that people are gay... Including a few key historical figures I think they could have done without. One of those times where I think they went a little over the top. But my point is that they made fun of everyone equally. Stop whining so much... Sensitive liberals.

In commemoration of the beginning of the end of the United States of America, I have decided to post a clip of me singing the Obama National Anthem! Those of you who know me, this is something you've tried to get me to do over Skype, but I have adamantly refused every invitation... Of course, with an occassion as special as this, as well as a strong sense of boredom, a natural high from sleep deprivation, and a sense of anonymity and privacy as nobody was here to actually hear me sing while I was doing it, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Hear GermanShepherd Sing: Obama National Anthem

Go get Adobe Flash Player!

I make no guarantees as to the state of your ears during or after your listening. I've been signing this all night, and then decided to record it and I said this was my fifth take, but by "take" I mean "fifth take of a copy that I think I could post". Meaning: I had sung this maybe 10 or 12 times by now in a voice loud enough for the microphone to hear. Coupled with the fact that I've been signing it all night, my voice started to get somewhat hoarse, so... I need a drink of water. (Dangit, I didn't drink "on the air"!)

So I'm seeing people who once told me NaNoWriMo was stupid now joining up! Interesting! And then claim tolerance and free expression of opinion on their blog, but then remove my comments in the same breath. Ah, true double-standard liberalism at work. (Am I like a magnet to liberals? I think I only have one friend (well, multiple friends, same family) who's as conservative as I am.) Plus, they then claim we were never friends... Okay, if you want to go that route, that's fine with me. I guess those Skype sessions and movies weren't at all a friendly thing. Nah! All that chatting (voice and text) we did and all the movies we watched (although I think it was only one: Silence of the Lambs) and such was done in such a disguised ANGER that we didn't even realize we were never friends! Then accuse me of being the one to leave hate-seeking comments after leaving their own parcel of hate-seeking comments on this here blog. I see no remorse for that... Oh! It's okay for them to do it, but not for us! Okay! Got it!

Oh yeah, I went there... Inter-weblog flame war, for the win! Because I'm feeling especially persnickety tonight. I guess this is what happens when a) you stay up late to watch the fate of the country flush down a toilet, b) not get to sleep because of aforementioned flushing, c) get up early to listen to radio, d) be bored and tired and wired enough that you can't sleep despite the lateness. Fun times... Fun times. Actually, I don't expect an inter-weblog flame war, because I really won't go that far, but I think at one post is merited because, after all, it is a blog dedicated to exposing hypocrisy, eh? Am I right?

So I just heard of this... He was actually mentioned on NewsBusters. This guy is probably my favorite science fiction writer. I say "probably" because I really haven't read very many, but of all the one's I've attempted to read, only Michael Crichton's I've been able to finish because they were gripping until the very end. Andromeda Strain... Jurassic Park... Timeline... Prey... All were perfectly amazing.

So what do I do after hearing about his passing away? Well, I read his Wikipedia article, of course. The article is pretty... Boring, actually. Only a small bit about his life, and then it's more or less a list of books, movies and shows he's been involved with. (Though I did not know he was the mastermind behind ER... If people told me that earlier, I would have probably been more receptive to trying to watch it!) But then, at the bottom, under Speeches, I hit the motherlode: I'm pretty sure he was a conservative. At least he shows all the classic signs!

He made speeches against the speculative science such as the idea of alien life and global warming... He basically says they can't be proven scientifically and are thus more similar to religions than science. Awesome! He even rips the environmentalists for the same idea... And then he tears into the mainstream media way back in 1994 and calls them out for opinionating instead of reporting and NewsBusters even says he went so far as to predict the fall of the mainstream media and the rise of "The Net" as the primary source of news in the next 10 years. You know what? He was right.

Who was once merely an awesome writer to me is now suddenly far more amazing. What would make it perfect if he was a Christian... I mean, he was at least a conservative, right? He's half the way there! But having been divorced 4 times doesn't paint a good picture to that regard. That, and the fact that most of his stuff deals with evolution and extraterrestrials and such. Then again, I write about life outside of Earth, because I understand it's fiction... I don't know. I tried visiting his site to see, but... Eh, it doesn't say, either. (And seems to be faltering under traffic-related stress.) Oh well... He still sounds like a great guy.

It was almost a bad idea to write an extra 2,000 words on Monday so I didn't have to write anything yesterday... Today was a little harder to squeeze out, but I managed to do it, and I've still maintained my goal of 2,000 words per day! But my difficulty in finishing today's allotment was hindered by more than just not having written anything yesterday... Yes, I have a confession, though I must firmly blame Peter Heck for this, too. He managed to play Obama National Anthem on the radio today and got the silly song stuck in my head all over again. To be fair, he warned that if Obama won the election, that song would be all over the place, but it got stuck in my head, I started singing it aloud and I repeated it over and over and I lost my train of thought for my story and got stuck... Thank you, Peter Heck, for inadvertantly trying to crush my attempt at NaNoWriMo!

I know for sure that if I ever get depressed with Obama's latest America-killing law, I'll just fire up that clip and watch it over and over again. It's so completely true, but it's so completely funny! I have no idea how something as serious as that can be so absolutely hilarious... Leave it to Glenn Beck to pull something off like that. Apparently, lots of people are feeling the same way, because that post is quickly becoming my most popular! I'm impressed... I hope Glenn doesn't mind my stealing traffic over it. I offer an MP3 and lyrics, too, so I'm sure they're looking for those, too. Oh well... If it we weren't laughing about it, we'd all be sobbing, so I think it's a good thing to be circulating for those of us who are in for a long four years.

But even still, I can't help but notice I'm being so entirely carefree about this whole thing... It could be the end of the American life as we know it, but I'm in a mood far greater than I've been in weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still vastly disappointed in the friends of mine who voted for Obama and all that, but I can't help but think of this song: (Plus, I mean, Peter Heck drove this home when he played some funky vocal version of "I'm On My Way To Heaven" and repeatedly demanded that we smile. Man, I love that guy.)

This world is not my home
I'm just a-passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue

The angels beckon me
From Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home
In this world any more

No, that's not "I'm On My Way To Heaven", but it does share the same thought.

First up, this article I saw on IMDB today... Apparently, the latest Simpsons episode? (Which I have not yet seen.) You know, the one the mainstream media made a huge deal about because Homer was voting for Obama? And the voting machine kept changing his vote to McCain and then it devoured him? Yeah, that one! Well, after getting so much praise and "haha" from the mainstream media, it turns out that Nelson (the resident bully character, if you're not classy enough to watch Simpsons) spouts off the horrific and hurtful phrase: "That's so gay." Oh my! Call the FCC! Call the Supreme Court! Call the ACLU! A Simpsons cartoon character has made a homophobic remark!

"Are you serious?" You ask. "Absolutely," I reply.

I call Simpsons an "equal opportunity parody show". It makes fun of, quite literally, everyone. Democrats, Republicans, homosexuals, Christians, hindus, illegal immigrants... The list goes on and on. Some things I find a little over the top, but, for the most part, it really doesn't bother me a whole lot when Simpsons makes fun of Republicans and voting machines tipped in their favor because I've seen plenty of jokes at the Democrat's expense, too. I take jokes about Christians in stride because I see jokes about other religions, too. So when I see something like that, I can't help but tell everyone to stop being so sensitive. My gosh. Homosexuals are probably the single most offended minority on the planet... (Although blacks are very close behind with their whole "a sale on black furred pets is racist" remark.)

It's a constant thing with liberal minds... The perfect example of their double-standard mentality. They claim a Republican majority in Congress is bad for the country because it doesn't provide for fair debate of the issues, but when it's a Democrat majority in Congress, the country has been done a great service. When Christians and Republicans are made fun of, it's lauded as being some of the best humor around... But when homosexuals are made fun of, suddenly, the sky is falling and we need anti-discrimination laws passed so nobody can do that anymore. It's crazy!

Which leads me into the best thing I've seen post-election... A quote from the awesome Ann Coulter:

For now, we have a new president-elect. In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, we owe it to the Democrats to show their president the exact same kind of respect and loyalty that they have shown our recent Republican president.

Ain't that the truth? I mean, I know she's the kind of person to say this kind of stuff to make people mad, and I think that's awesome, but, to be honest, I'm not going to do that. She's just making a point. I, however, am going to try to treat the position of President of the United States with all due respect. I may think the guy is the single poorest choice for this country and that Joe the Plumber would have been a vastly more successful pick, but he is the President of the United States now. I'm not even going to wonder if there were any illegal votes, seeing as how McCain clearly thought Obama had legitimately won and set an example by graciously conceding on the same night and not weeks later, demanding recount after recount in a vain attempt to further antagonize his supporters and deface his opponent. I will most likely not agree with anything that man passes and I still vehemently believe that he will plunge this country into a time not seen since the Great Depression, but I will not give in to "Obama Derangement Syndrome" and loathe the guy. If the guy passes something I agree with, I'll praise him... If he doesn't, I'll scream about it, but I'm not going to hate him just for the sake of hating him.

We crazy Christian conservative Republicans are better than that. The liberals in this country and in the rest of the world may have no scrap of dignity... They may have prepared posts for a McCain win that is made up of nothing but a derogatory explitive pasted 500 times over... They may blame President Bush for hurricanes and oil prices and our "declining image abroad" due to the "useless war that wastes American lives" and they may call him the worst President in American history (even though they are terribly wrong), but I won't succumb to that kind of thinking just because we Christian conservatives now have someone who is poised to rewrite the Constitution and tax religious institutes into oblivion and destroy this economy and all our livelihoods for a blatantly socialist agenda. The liberals may be whinybutts, but I'm not!

I also, by the way, did not go and riot, nor did I ever threaten to if we lost, just for the record.

I just want to reiterate for anyone out there who didn't get it... Conservatism didn't lose. Not in the least bit. The Republicans lost, but not conservatives. Why? Well, Republicans aren't conservative right now! Sarah Palin was the one good thing about Republicans this cycle, but she alone wasn't enough to shed the dead weight of "moderate" bi-partisan Republicans who enjoy reaching across the aisle and forsaking everything the party is supposed to stand for. If you take a look at all the runners and ballot initiatives... Conservatism didn't lose.

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels won by a huge margin and he's the definition of conservative. The marriage bans were approved and the global warming initiatives failed, which is what conservatives have been trying to pass for years. Almost everywhere you look, if there was a clean cut choice between liberal and conservative, conservative won with flying colors... The Republicans lost the election because they weren't solid conservatives, either. With the sole exception of Sarah Palin. The media goes overboard on trying to peg McCain's failure on her presence, but that's a flat out lie... Period. McCain was a nobody to Democrats AND Republicans until suddenly: BAM! Sarah Palin shows up. That made the media crazy upset and it revitalized the Republicans behind her. Not behind McCain... Behind HER. I've seen t-shirts and I totally agree: "I'm voting for Sarah Palin and that guy she's running with." Wherever she went, she rivaled and frequently surpassed the crowds that Obama drew, and she was only the Vice President.

No, folks... The Republicans lost and the Democrats won, but conservatism is still very much alive as we can see for ourselves in all the votes that went to true conservative candidates and initiatives. The question remains: Will the Republican party be able to fix itself by 2012? Will another party rise up instead? All the moderate Republicans who made an effort to reach across the aisle to gain more votes? The ones who said the only chance we have of winning is to become more centrist? They're all gone... All voted out in favor of Democrats. Nobody wants a wishy-washy middle man... They want one or the other. Centrism is seriously overrated. (Also, the media keeps claiming that the liberal Democrat administration is going to be centrist. Oh, please, are you kidding me? Wow... They media is going insane. More than usual. It's also amazing how much this election "wasn't about race", but now that Obama's been elected? All about race. Yeah. Good job keeping the stories straight.)