So some people have been wondering why I've been visiting Cyan Chat again, after I was so outspoken and adamant about never returning due to robots and various other reasons that I've accumulated over the years... It's a good question, and I expected to be asked sooner or later, and I had wanted to write a blog post about it, but, for some reason, I'd just never gotten around to it, which caused a bit of confusion... But, without further ado, here's my explanation:
Pretty much, it started when I left after the bot showed up. Then, TW and Ed, pretty much the other two people I talk to regularly, started visiting more often, which was odd to me, but TW said it wasn't on purpose and I trust him, so no hard feelings there. Afterwards, they would mention things they thought I'd be interested in that originated from CC, but I'd tell them to stop talking about it because I didn't want to hear it. Pretty soon, the general talking between us slowed down. Then, on July 24th, I saw the message about the Mysterium reorganization that threw the Lyst into a turmoil... And I noticed TW's name on it and, for some reason I still can't explain, I wasn't very happy about it. Probably because after saying I didn't want to hear anything about anything related to Myst anymore, TW goes and offers his help on something related to Myst and that would be something I'd want to keep away from. He might've stopped talking after that on accident, but I stopped talking on purpose, since I was feeling angry.
Now, while all this is happening, in my real life, our church has been going through some really, really tough times. Our preacher resigned due to philosophical differences with the Elder leadership, so everyone's upset about that. Someone really important to our congregation is terminally ill with no real hope of cure, short of a miracle, so everyone's upset about that. The congregation is fracturing over the poor style of music that is now being forced upon them, so everyone's upset about that. As they say, when it rains, it pours... And, boy, is it pouring. (I won't go into any further detail about our church. I wasn't going to bring it up at all, since it's an issue that belongs in the church and shouldn't really be gossiped about, but I think it's required to explain why I'm active in CC again.)
So last Sunday, which was the 29th, we decided to place our official membership in the church. We felt that the Elders of the church needed our support, and the best thing we could do at the time was become members. So we did! The last few sermons and services have been insanely tied together and coordinated so perfectly by accident (not planned, as admitted by everyone involved), that I'm sure there's something divine going on. Pretty much, the whole theme of the last few services was "no matter what happens to me at all, just let me have Jesus". Which is eerily exactly what everyone has been needing to hear since all these issues cropped up. They were talking about the man who's sick in such a high regard, that even though I don't really know the guy personally, it was very moving, and I thought, "You know what? This is the stuff that really matters." I mean, I already knew in the back of my mind that being a Christian means that you should set aside anything the world has to offer and focus on spiritual and eternal things... The things that matter in the end... But it was one of those things that never really "clicked" with me until that moment.
So I came home that Sunday and mulled everything over all day long... And as I was in the shower (which acts surprisingly well as a catalyst for thought! No distractions!), I was thinking, "Why am I upset with TW? Is there any real reason?" I thought on it and tried to find a reason... and I couldn't. It was as plain as that. So then I told myself that it was foolish and immature to not talk to someone "just because". So I came out of the shower squeaky clean and with new resolve!
I came online and apologized to TW and made right what I alone was screwing up. Then I thought, "Hmm. Let's try broadening this approach to why am I upset with the Myst community? Like... really? WHY am I so adverse to it? I know I feel I've been repeatedly hurt by it on so many occassions, but why do I feel I've been hurt?" The fact is... I couldn't figure that out, either. The only thing I could come up with? The robots in Cyan Chat. So I applied that process to the robots! "Is there any truely important reason why I'm against these robots? I can't think of any... Does it REALLY matter that people can hide behind it any watch me type? Does it REALLY matter that it circumvent some basic chat functions like ignoring and private messaging?" My conclusion?
No... There is no important (meaning spiritual or eternal) reason why I'm against chat bots. I mean, come on... Even now, I go back and think, "Wow, how could I have been so worked up about a CHAT BOT. A silly pile of code that relays text from one bundle of green circuits, over some fiber optic cables, to another green bundle of green circuits?" In the grand scheme of things, it's so small, it shouldn't ever be a point of contention for me.
So... I'm trying to apply this to... Well... Everything now! Chat bots, communities, friends, politics, platform wars... You name it. If it isn't something TRUELY IMPORTANT like morality and spirituality and philosophy, why should I ever get upset? In fact, why should I get angry and upset at you, even if you don't see the Biblical point of view? I shouldn't be ANGRY in the least bit!
So this is the explanation for why I've been hanging around again... Because I realize that the things in the past that I've been outspoken against and angry about? They're not important. They're not important in the big scheme of things, and they simply aren't important even from a wordly perspective.
Uru user-generated content? Doesn't matter... I might still think that it's not the best thing in mind for Uru at the moment, and that it would have to be very carefully implemented, but it's not important. Why was I angry about it?
Someone get a position of power in the community who has been here for only a fraction of the time I have? Doesn't matter... All the position does is maybe entitle me to some filtering power on a web board, or give me some new information about a game a few days before everyone else gets it. It's not important, so why get angry about it?
I play a game with my close friends and get completely smashed by the opposition? Doesn't matter... We all play a game to have fun and maybe learn new strategies. Sure, it's a reflection on me and my brain power when I lose, but it's an opportunity to learn from mistakes, and if I simply can't beat someone, I should accept that they're just plain better than I am. But, overall, it's not important! It's just a game, and my strategies of destroying Zerg and Protoss ground units aren't important in the grand scheme of spiritual and eternal things.
And for some of the harder issues like when it seems that friends drift away and stop talking to me for whatever reason? Sure, it's quite a bit more important than user content or Terran strategies, but if they come back to apologize or make amends? Why stay angry? Why even get angry in the first place? I would think sadness is the first thing that would show up if a friend left you... But when they come back, forgive them if they did something wrong. No need to prolong the turmoil because it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
So there you are! The long, deep, soul-pouring explanation of why I'm visiting a chat room again! Hopefully, I'll start getting more active in the community again... I WANT to be active again. It is and has always been a very large part of my life, from back when Myst was first released on Windows machines. From that point on, my life has been largely affected by Myst.
Also, I hope this means I can enjoy doing things like playing games more than I have in the past... And when someone goes off about how horrible the current Presidential Administration is or how inferior Microsoft might be to Apple, I should be able to listen without getting angry and upset, because it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. (I'm not at all saying that your opinion doesn't matter, but my getting angry over it is completely uncalled for.)
So now that all that has been said... I know that some of you probably won't accept me back because of some of the things I've done and said in the past, and I understand completely and don't think for a second that I don't. I know I can be pretty nasty and I know I have been pretty nasty in the past, and for that, I apologize most sincerely... And I hope that we can eventually become friends again and make the community feel like it was all those years ago. If anyone has a problem with anything with me, I want you to tell me... Lay it out bare, exactly what you think. I respect people who tell things like it is! You shouldn't care if it hurts my feelings, if it's something I've done to hurt you with, or without, my knowing it.
Now, with THAT said, I want to make clear that I'm only a human, and old habits die hard, so I want to apologize in advance for any outbursts I may make in the future that are uncalled for. I've already caught myself doing it a few times and have quickly stopped, but I'd already said some things that weren't the best way to respond, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm trying my absolute best to change, and I hope that the fact that I'm in Cyan Chat, interacting with people through the IRC relay, at least somewhat proves my sincerity.
Thanks for reading, and see you around!